so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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