Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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