i just had sex bonerless
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
