last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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