Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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