wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
