3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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