no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
