No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
