even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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