Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize