Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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