I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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