I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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