So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
