Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
