Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

Fav 8 4141 1163
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(773): View more from Illinois

Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

Fav 2 3000 1193
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(704): View more from North Carolina

CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..

Fav 4 3747 1175
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(716): View more from New York

You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

Fav 7 1640 953
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(479): View more from Arkansas

My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.

Fav 13 3011 1010
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.

Fav 3 826 1031
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(636): View more from Missouri

Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.

Fav 2 1151 698
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(860): View more from Connecticut

oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.

Fav 2 289 168
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(818): View more from California

I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far

(818): View more from California

Her name is susan

Fav 0 44 10
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