Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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