morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
