Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
