i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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