I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
