it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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