The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
