My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
