Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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