He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
