White coat. Heels.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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