So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
