is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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