i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
