dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
