Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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