Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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