somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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