Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
