Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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