I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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