I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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