nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize