dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
