Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
