just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
