Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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