If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
