Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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