My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
