So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize