STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
