i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
