Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
