the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
