why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
