How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
