She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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