do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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