I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize