it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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