I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
