There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
