It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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