like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
