if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
