So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
smell my finger.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
