Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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