i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
