Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My cat gives me a boner
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
