Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
