Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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