Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
