when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
