my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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