she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
