i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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