Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
