Im at strip club and am horny
I can text with my tongue
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
