I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
