i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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