Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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