I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize