I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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