I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
