just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
