I hate your face
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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