OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
