you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You left your phone here
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