I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
