I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
